No IFS therapist within 85 miles

Submitted by Greg on Mon, 02/08/2010 - 02:49.

I've recently been hospitalized for the 5th time to deal with my obsession with suicide that had resulted in actual planning and come closer to execution then ever before. During that stay I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder type II after many years of being treated for major depression in addition to my addiction to alcohol. Based on the symptoms listed on the NIMH website I can see that I do have most if not all of the symptoms of BPDII and I've been taking Seroquel in addition to the other two antidepressants. I'm also attending an IOP class for DBT training and I'm seeing a talented therapist who is certified in EMDR.

The suicide planning came about 5 weeks after I stopped drinking. I now recognize a pattern: I become suicidal every time I stop following an extended period of drinking. I feel better when I first stop but after a few weeks of pink cloud sobriety I get so depressed or anxious I have to go in-patient. A period of sobriety then follows, lasting up to six years. I've worked the 12 steps on multiple occasions but I find it so difficult to get along in the world and I feel so crummy I return to drinking for the relief, beginning the cycle anew.

I felt relieved after being given the bipolar diagnosis and I'm feeling better now that I'm taking Seroquel. EMDR has been effective at attenuating my conflicts with authority figures and coworkers and even my spouse, to a lesser extent. DBT is also helping me to control my emotions better, as well.

I'm intrigued with IFS because the model seems to fit my situation quite well. For example, I was accused of doing something to another person that I hadn't done by someone I hardly know, setting off a chain reaction that began with a shame spiral that temporarily made it hard for me to function. I'm still distressed over it three days later and what little self worth I ha was destroyed again. Although I didn't drink over it, I'm stuck in the self loathing once again and thoughts of suicide are more frequent.

Some part of me has been wounded again and is screaming for justice louder than usual but it can't ever seem to get it. IFS seems like it would be another powerful tool for me to employ, however, being in Tonopah I'm a long drive from the only IFS therapist listed in Phoenix. Is telephone consultation practical and if so, how would I choose a therapist who does that? Are there other alternatives?

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Re: No IFS therapist within 85 miles

Submitted by derek scott on Mon, 02/08/2010 - 08:54.

Hey Greg,
From what you've written it sounds like you have a high degree of awareness about your system and how some of the parts organise themselves. One of the difficulties with 12-step programs in terms of the IFS approach is that they can be "manager-led" (i.e. the managing protector concerned with being a "good" person decides to "deal with" the drinking/drugging part).

For some this manager-driven course of action can last for a long, long time. For others though, when the exiled part inevitably gets activated (e.g. self-loathing) the firefighter protectors have to come in to protect the system, perhaps from being flooded. One of your firefighter parts uses alcohol, another seems suicidal. Both are seeking to distract from, or end, the pain of the exile. They probably don't know that another option exists... i.e. for Self energy to help unburden the exile.

So it sounds like your system is open to IFS. In terms of telephone consultation, IFS lends itself well to that. because the focus is so internal many of my clients spend the entire session in my office with their eyes closed. If you look up the IFS practitioners many offer work by phone. My personal preference is to use skype (webcam). my experience of telephone work is that I cannot "read" the silence. It may be that Self is listening to a part... it may be that a dissociative protector has taken the person away. Using the webcam feels more connecting to me and I can track things like changes in facial expression which will often be indicative of a new part getting activated.

In terms of choosing a therapist I would trust your gut (listen to your parts). If you find someone who seems like a fit you might want to interview them in terms of what is important to your different parts. Perhaps their experience with addiction and suicide. Maybe their comfort level with bipolar disorder. Do they get the need for justice... that sort of thing.

I hope that's been helpful Greg,
Good luck in your search,
Derek.

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Re: No IFS therapist within 85 miles

Submitted by Susanmtns on Fri, 06/18/2010 - 21:51.

I was trying to find a forum where I could talk about my experience reading "You Are The One." While I am not in search of a therapist, I would very much like to teach this. This resonates with everything I believe. It is the way I try to live my life.

Regarding relationships, your partner has to want to grow with you. Sometimes, especially in this culture, people aren't ready to journey with you. It takes enormous courage and perhaps just tired of being in the dumps to want to grow.

I was in a 28 year marriage which I ended eleven years' ago. We were simply in different places emotionally. We did Imago therapy with a therapist who was limiting in her approach. I knew the only way I could grow was to leave the marriage. It was in the leaving that I was forced to be honest with the kind of marriage I had. It was a corporate marriage where feelings were not allowed to be expressed and fear was ever present.

I have had a few relationships since the divorce and I have learned what is acceptable to me. I can't underscore enough the importance of selecting a partner who is willing to do the work with you and not being in love with love. Doing the work makes you grow together. The latter keeps you stuck.

I would like to teach this because I care a lot about people and want to share what I know works. I would like more information on the program, costs, etc. The Asheville, NC program would work for me, however, it appears that I missed it. Suggestions??

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